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What If?Love me?
I never really could understand why?
You tell me you love me but you left me standing there
I know you may never leave me but you wouldn't as a friend
There is more than what meets the eye when it comes to talking to you
I feel connected to you more than anyone else did
Maybe there was a gap?
Gap that wasn't there before
Drifting away like sea billows roll
Bridges are built but the gap will always be under it
Going the extra mile to give you what you deserved and more
That is my love for you
To give more than what you expected
Nevertheless, there are doubts
These doubts they fill my heart with "What Ifs?"
What if you stop thinking about me?
What if you stop caring for me?
What if you stop loving me?
I don't want think about the many possibilities can be
Don't fall into temptation and believe them
Don't over analysis things that you can't control over
I want to tell you "please stay, I don't want you to leave. I still an 'us' just don't...I...love..you.."
The tears f
Right NowI remember how it all started
It was a quiet December day like today
That turn into something that I never would expected
But it feels bittersweet knowing it's gone
Or feels like how a child is lost in the big world out there
Just an empty feeling
People say love is a drug
From the start to finish
A high that everything is perfect or nothing can go wrong
But when it is gone, you feel the withdraw symptoms that won't go away
But no I'm just taking it in
Out the window of my apartment bedroom again
Tomorrow I'll be gone I don't know when I'll be back
But in this world everything can change just like that
Caught up in everyday life
Doesn't seem like nobody cares
Walking out seems like the only option
No one will miss me right?
Find myself somewhere else because home ain't what it used to be
Mom and Dad were fighting about everything
From dishes to who is looking after the child I had
I didn't know what to do
But no I'm taking it in
Out the window of my apartment bedroom again
The T.V is o
What Happened?We were once us but now me
You say you care but really you don't
I rather if you don't so that you can drift away like a memory
Now I am alone, walking alone in this cold world
Just move on, there are others that make me happy
So in a way I thank you for leaving
Thanks for making happier but it the days like this that I stop and want to go back
But how to go back when there is nothing there
You left and move on like nothing
Why should I care?
"If I lose you, I don't know what I would do"
I remember I said that and turns out to be true
You walk away, that's all she wrote
Don't just say goodbye when I never wanted to
Too bad that you felt miserable
Its sad one can be happy and the other can be feel not same
Was it the reason why we got into this relationship just to forget who we were chasing before?
Or wasn't that something needed to change with our lives?
I don't know, it happened within a blink of an eye
I didn't try hard enough or you gave up too easily?
Can't change anything that ha
The One Who CaredThe one that I cared the most
The one that I loved the most
I try helping them but your help was unwanted here
I try asking questions but I just end up guessing the answer instead of asking straight out
But no, it's none of your business even if you care and love me
Sure it is fine, I will let you be
And thinking letting you just talk will help you feel better but not this time
Feeling useless and empty
But why I like this?
Do I care too much?
Do I always want the best for you?
Wasn't I was there when you needed the most?
More and more becoming distance
You and I, we are not the same
Different goals, different reasons
I cared about you but you just threw it away
Turn your back to me
Nothing left to do but to give you space
But it felt like it was a mistake
It went from days to weeks to months without talking
But then something change everything
A mysterious call came through, I couldn't recognise the number but I picked up
It was your mom and told me something bad happened to you
Find AnewI look at myself everyday
To what has come to me
You at me, but truth won't lie
The scars that remain
It's time to move on
But it all starts in the heart
Can't understand the person I am
There is someone that can see who I am
Where I came from, where I am heading
Bus rides heading to university and going home
I want you to come and sit next to me
To see life as how I see
Alone I am not, with you my life will change again
When I first saw you, there in Waterloo
I didn’t have the chance to talk to you because you were with your friends and I was with mine
It was two years ago and I thought I would never see you again
Who knew that I would find you again
Being in the same city as me, for school
I feel I have something to look forward every time I am out there
You only a fifteen minute ride away
I can't say in love with you because I haven't really got to know you but I do like you
I hope I don't get in so deep and sink away
Lose myself in the process
I want to make you mine but I am
That One LetterDear lover...,
This is the one letter I couldn't send
It means too much for to hand it over
There isn't much for me to write because I am no writer
No fancy words, just the straight out truth
You still surprise me, even if I don't show it
I know we just can't be over
I can see it in your eyes, you haven't lost hope
As long I can still feel you are still holding on, I will keep trying
I know I am not perfect but I keep trying
That's what I said I will do from the start
One chance I have to make it right
If I miss it, it will be too late
Remember who you are and forget what people said about you
You are beautiful; don't let others say you are not
I won't let you fall, even when I am wrong
I always remember that you like hand-written letters
A letter had more emotion than a text or email because you can see the mistakes, the eraser marks
The emotion is true in each word I write
I don't want you to fade away like everyone else has, I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that you a
There is a PlaceThere is a place
A special place, where plans are crashed and
Dreams come true
A place where
I would want to be forever
But I can't reach it
I see it everyday
I can't move closer
Because I am trapped
Trapped within my own memories
Moments of pain and suffering
Would it ever end?
I can't do this alone
But then you appear
With a smile on your face every time
Always wondered what made you happy
Till you told me
"I am happy because you make me happy."
You hugged me for a long time
What ran though my mind started to make sense
My pain and suffering was drifting away
There was someone who care enough
Someone who wanted to help
Someone that wants you feel a change from within
A place where
Plans are crashed while dreams blossom
That place was you
Nothing to LoseThere's nothing to lose
When no one knows what you going through
There's nothing to gain
But the days don't seem to change
Deep in my heart
Its an endless spiral of pain
Don't you know what I am fighting for?
When it's not worth to go through all this pain
When you feel you are don't know where to go
When walking on the path on broken glass
Feel like that something from your life is drifting away
Is it worth to try pull it back?
It's just a slap to my face by reality
Slammed the door behind me
A dozen reasons ran through my mind
Standing there, crying
Wondering if it could have gone better?
All I need is a second chance
There is nothing else for me to lose
I already lost myself in my turmoil
What have I done? This is not what I planned
Now she is gone, I don't want to feel my heart is breaking
I have blood on my hands
Her blood, dripping...
Why why, this knife in my right hand and my left hand on her throat
Doing the one thing I would never do
Harm the one person I truly loved
Slam my fist against the wall
When I can't take it anymore
Will the sun shine on me again?
Wind blow, rain fall
I face it all, there is still hope
Soon enough it will pass
Boom, crash all night
I fight with myself
Just dark skies out
Every kind of silence
It is killing me
It took me long to realize that I am still here
Hide, run but can't leave
Losing my grip on life
Only a miracle can help me now
It's Christmas Eve and I am all alone
All I wanted for Christmas was something you couldn't wrap
Something that truly came from the heart
No ordinary gift can help
It needed to be special
Special enough to make my troubles go away
Then it happened you walk into my life
I knew you were different
A vibe that makes you feel like having a smile on your face all the time
I think I got to the point I have found myself again
I have called and you've answer
I have fallen and you pick me up
That gift is...
MessEverywhere I go
Every single place
The troubles seem to grow
Every smiling face
Eventually frowns with woe
Why can't I do
I just screw
Up everything despite
The happiness I try to spew
Is it me
Am I the source of this ache
Does the pain flow free
Is this what I make
Should I go away and hide
Never to see others
Or the outside
But would I stop another's
Pain and be the only one that ever cried
What is a life with no grey
When everyone is sad
I'd give it all away
It wouldn't be that bad
I would finally be able to say
I saved a life
Notes On love and LustThese are my notes
On love and lust:
One is true, and
The other is just.
Love is watching the pianist
Play, admiring at a distance.
Lust is watching the fingers dance,
Mouth watering to offer assistance.
Lust is the demon
In the middle of the night.
Love is the shelter,
The tunnel before the light.
Love is the enemy,
The inhibitor of the soul.
Lust is the freedom,
The bridge above the troll.
Lust is the hated,
That moment of sin.
Love is the saviour,
That we are lost within.
But lust brings joy,
And that fun little spark.
Love brings safety,
And saves broken hearts.
These are my notes
On love and lust
One is true and,
The other is just.
I do not ask,
For one or the other
Just that freedom be free,
And that freedom not smother.
So while where here now,
Decide amongst yourselves,
Which is the true?
And which is the just?
Broken-Hearted BisexualIs it strange that I think he’s cute?
Is it wrong that I think she’s hot?
Ask me a question – I’m not mute.
Is this wrong? Of course it’s not.
Why should I care if I like a guy?
Why should I care if I like a chick?
I think I love him – don’t know why.
It’s time to party – I’ll take my pick.
I love his hair, his boyish smile,
I like her eyes, the way she winks.
I’m in his arms – come dance awhile,
I’m happy, who cares what society thinks.
I feel his chest, the soft tender skin,
Her cheeky grin, her tongue on my lips.
I’m safe with him – I’m lost within,
The flick of her hair, the sway of her hips.
I’m a bisexual; I know it’s hard,
For you to admit I’m not like you.
Society’s disapproval left me scarred,
So get out – it’s time you flew.
I’ve loved a lass,
And I’ve loved a guy,
My heart shattered like glass,
So I guess again I’ll try.
HopeYou have a plan.
A crystal clear vision of the road ahead,
That dusty path weaving through the woods,
Mists haunt the forks
But you see through
You take a step.
Your plans materialize
Edgy, rough, with spikes and thorns,
But how could you know,
In the allure of a rose?
Still, the lights in the distance
They shine for you.
A calling, a whisper in the dark
that doesn't cease.
The mists will dissipate one day.
And your vision.
Morphed and deformed.
And you will think:
Don't give up !When life gives you pain
as your walking in the rain
and you don't know where to go
cause your life's like a horror show
don't give up on yourself
don't give up on your life
as you walk through the shadow
of a heart broken life
there will be harder days
days you can't stand the world
but as long as you know that
you will be heard
Don't give up--------
Just don't give up------
you are beautifully unique
don't listen to what others say
especially if they want to
ruin your entire day
there's a purpose to everyone
no matter who you are
if you believe this fact
then you will make it far
Don't give up-------
Just don't give up---------
FallIn the fall we see
leaves of red and
gold. They fall
mix with dirt
and water to help
flowers grow to the clouds.
And the clouds, puffy
and white, send
And we humans,
Separated from mother nature,
trundle along in usual fashion,
disregarding the rain, the wind.
Ignoring their music.
Military tribute: Protect the ProtectorsWar is long
And a hard toil
It is for the strong
But even there blood taints the soil
What would we do without our men?
What would we do without our women?
How can you hate the ones who protect
How can you scorn the ones who fight
Without them you wouldnt survive it
How can you have such horrible sight
What would you do without the fighters?
What would you do without the guardians?
They are the ones who respond to the call
They alone know the nightmare
Protectors of you and all
They fight and get hurt, some without repair
How could they be hated?
Who could hate them?
They are the good
They are the best
They are the ones that stood
And deserve there rest
Give them peace and the respect they deserve
Give them love and hope and strength to carry on
Do not be the blind
Do not be the dumb
Give them courage for there minds
Do not make them numb
Who will protect the protectors?
Never Give UpYou do something,
It doesnt work.
You do it again,
It doesnt work
You may think youve failed,
But you havent,
Youve only begun.
There will be obstacles,
Theyre part of the adventure.
Where would the accomplishment be,
If it was simple?
Every time you try again,
Every time you dont give up,
Every time you overcome an obstacle,
Youre already winning.
You only fail,
When you give up.
So always try your best,
Never give up,
And youve already won.
HomeA place where you feel the safest
A place where you feel most at ease from the world
A place where you can be your true self
But now, why does it feel of a place of pain and misery?
Place of no hope, in bitter darkness
Once you been through it, you don't want to come back
Once you left, this is what I have been feeling
When will it ever end?
A cold winter chill that drives through this place
You always said “I want to come back home” and every time it gave more a better sense of security
Patience can’t just come like that; there were many times I wanted to just give up on you
But what brings me back is I have hope that shines in me
Now I see you walking down the street having your head down, in your light blue jacket
It is like I haven't seen you in years but something was different
A vibe, a dark mysterious one I never seen this one before
I took a good look at you; your eyes seem dim like you lost something
Your natural glow you had is now slipping away
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More